he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize