It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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