The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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