I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
