Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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