it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
