i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
do nipples grow back?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
