Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it was like eating out sand paper
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
