i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
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This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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