Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
