Quick, to the slutcave!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Randomize
