How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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