He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
