Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
