so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
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Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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