I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
