Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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