I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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