we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize