I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
two words: eviction party
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
