The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
