He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
