actually, I'm a sock model
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
