There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
