Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
