The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
