he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
