I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
