i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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