He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
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he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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