Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
