Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There r osticjed everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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