Kareoke will never be a sober sport
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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