i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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