so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we made out on top of his cat.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
In America we eat man semen.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
