get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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