O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
