We're facebook friends in real life
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
