the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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