You really coming over, don't trick.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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