Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
