we're chasing vodka with high fives
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
