Don't you send me to vm
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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