i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize