Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
