Moan for me like Helen Keller
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
