So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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