You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
