i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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