Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
