So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize