I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i came on her dog
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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