I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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