Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
