there's paper in my vomit.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
