I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
