Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
