Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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