Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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