Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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