According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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