I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
