I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
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airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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