dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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