Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
