The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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