I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
