HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
