I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
