Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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