I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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