That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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