worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
