I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
