**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
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THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
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It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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