so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
