just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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