worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
