Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
