Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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