i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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